Verbal Diarrhoea

Why do you insist on saying such stupid things? It irks me that you don’t quite realise how you sound saying the things you do. Stop and think first before you talk because right now you look an awful lot like a moron. PLEASE.

If something is wrong, it’s just wrong. Don’t try to qualify it by bringing in irrelevant considerations. Don’t lower your estimation in my eyes and your peers. It’s just too much to handle.

Stop being so hypocritical and be your damn self will you. Just because I’m your friend that doesn’t give you a free pass to trample over me. Or expect me to turn a blind eye to the shit that’s going on. Sorry, ain’t happening with me. Try your luck somewhere else.

God Almighty it’s been an awful CNY. To start off, I had a raging fever combined with the chills on Wednesday night that prevented me from sleeping. Now I have a few issues with that:
1. how the hell do you get fever and chills at the same time?
2. the only thing I was looking forward to during this holiday was being able to sleep as much as I wanted to.
3. why is it that when I’m in a situation like this the few hours of sleep I get are peppered with horrifying dreams?

Then, Thursday night all seemed to be fine. Vik came over at night bearing porridge she forced her mother to make and said,
"don’t worry there’s no poison in it". Such a sweet girl. Despite the initial dizziness and lack of appetite I thought I was on the path to recovery. The stupid sore pharynx wouldn’t go away though.

ShîRLé¥ MåñSøN™: Fiat voluntas tua says:

itu farinks sakit jugak

ShîRLé¥ MåñSøN™: Fiat voluntas tua says:

tatau macam mana mau kasi baik

chino moreno says:

makan strepsils

ShîRLé¥ MåñSøN™: Fiat voluntas tua says:

gua ingat strepsil untuk tekak saja

chino moreno says:

strepsil untuk farinks larinks dan earings

Friday night was spent at Megan’s. Clean fun with her dad tempting to make me an alcoholic ‘remedy’ for my illness. I don’t know about you, but if it’s alcoholic, I find it somewhat dubious when someone claims its supposed to heal me. But after being rebuked by Meg’s mom, the dad let up.

Meg and I made plans to do something fun on Sunday. Since it’s the Sabbath, the alcohol fast doesn’t apply. We actually had this plan in the pipelines for a couple of weeks. It’s tagged, "Project Fun", a series of really fun things for us to do since it’s her last sem of law school. And last Sunday was supposed to be the first instalment, "Project Ice Box". Plans to go to Changi and for me to see what the hype is about that place. And the ‘Ice Box’ meant beer was included in the plans.

But when Saturday rolled around, I woke up with a feeling like my throat was closing up. Images of me not being able to breathe or eat and gasping to my death began flashing in my head. I lay in bed wondering wtf is happening to me. After a while I realised that I could be having tonsillitis. Now, I have not had any issues with my tonsils before this so I didn’t know if my guess was correct. So off I trundled to Google for its wisdom. Turns out it was highly likely that my tonsils had decided to spread the CNY cheer in red. SCREAMING RED. When I saw them in the mirror I freaked.

So I went to the clinic. Just by saying to the doctor, "I think … I have tonsillitis" and mentioning my pharynx, the doctor asked, "are you in the medical line?" And I was like "nope". Which is weird. I wanted to tell the doctor, "With Google anyone and everyone can pretend to be in the medical line, doc" or "The pharynx isn’t exactly top secret in the medical profession cause they tell high school kids about it." But anyways.

Saturday night was excruciatingly painful. I could not swallow and I was having a tough time going to sleep. But well the meds seem to be working and I am feeling much better now. Hopefully I’ll be all set for school tomorrow. Blech.

So there you have it. My wild CNY. I realise now that everytime I am sick here I start to miss home a lot more than usual. And this time I was berating myself for not going home. God, I miss my mom. Yes, this is what happens when you’re sick and you have to take care of your damn self.

I really hope this ordeal has atleast helped me lose some weight. Pretty please. I can’t really tell but I’m hoping the folks at home will notice something, anything. Oh, the desperation.

Also, I have been wondering: why on Earth would God create body parts so useless you don’t even notice they exist until they act up and you have to surgically remove them? Case in point, tonsils and appendices. Like, what the hell are they put in there for anyway?

P/S: For most of this post, the tonsils were doing the talking.

How nice of you, Mr Prime Minister. Thaipusam Holiday for KL and Putrajaya.

And you too, Samy Vellu. The Indian community of Malaysia is undeniably blessed to have a leader like you who looks after its interests, tirelessly I might add.

Earlier in his speech at the gathering, Samy
Vellu said the MIC had also brought up the Thaipusam holiday request
with Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak and Federal
Territories Minister Datuk Seri Zulhasnan Rafique.

I mean, never mind the fact that the elections are rolling around. Or that recent events have served to incite hatred in the Indian community towards the ruling coalition and the MIC in particular. This is not a desperate act by the BN to garner support before the elections, no. It’s a genuine gesture by the government that truly cares for the needs of the Indian community of Malaysia.

He (Samy) added that MIC was confident the Indian voters would steadfastly remain with Barisan Nasional.

…

Samy Vellu admitted that there were still many unresolved grievances within the Indian community.

…

He took to task “certain political forces” trying to weaken Indian representation in the Government.

No, I’m sure the Hindus "will not be disappointed" by this fantastic announcement. Heck, I’ll bet they’re willing to overlook being grossly marginalised over the years after this. A very generous olive branch, indeed. Thank you once again, Mr Prime Minister.

So now how, will Thaipusam be a permanent holiday for KL and Putrajaya every year? No elections next year, so I doubt la. But kudos, anyways BN. Always proud to be a Malaysian.

First off, I’d like to thank Boo for that wonderful essay-comment in the previous post. Your input is certainly invaluable and I am fairly certain you will make a successful politician, given your visionary character.

Anyways, the exams are over. And I have to say this has been the worst semester ever. EVER. Thankfully, I had my friends here to help see me through. And most importantly, God, who never failed to keep me up even during my lowest moments when I was on the verge of totally breaking down.

Some of you might read this and ask, what the hell is going on with this girl? Well, I know I have been asking myself that every single day without fail for the past month. I don’t know since when I turned into a nerd. It’s strange, thinking about the amount of studying I did all my life leading up to STPM and how that is not even half the amount of cramming I did this semester. It’s virtually non-existent in comparison. IT’S TRUE, I KID YOU NOT.

Sometimes I wonder why I choose to torture myself like this. Why not just stay home and live the easy life? Ah, the usual "suffering now for a better future" reasoning. At least it has been a growing experience. This past few years have been pretty painful, being forced to grow up and learn things on my own. And being away from loved ones as well, coping with that lonely feeling that comes every once in a while. Guess that should fall into the list of "pros" instead of the "cons" right?

Thinking too much again. Haha well it feels really weird sitting here with nothing exam-related to read or do. That’s how whacked up I am right now. It was a good post-exam outing though, today. Thank you, Viknes for being my drinking partner even if it was only one pint. Thank you for your company, Candy, Harsharan and Zareen. I had fun today and you know I have mad love for y’all. Here’s to a screwed up semester behind us and another equally-annoying one on the way! And Sheetal, we all miss you terribly.

And you people back home, get your party gear on cause Santa’s coming to town. Yeah, that’s right. He bears some pretty awesome treats, y’all.

So… one of the weird things I’ve been reading about in the little time I have to do other things unrelated to the Law of Evidence is the story about Selangor MB Dr Khir Toyo handing out broom awards to under-performing state agencies.

You can read about it here if you so wish: Broom Award

So there were shaking of heads and a general feeling of dissatisfaction / embarrassment / anger / all of the above at this ceremony. How dare the MB humiliate such high-standing public officials like this? Totally outrageous, I say.
I especially like this part of the article:

"Many times, we have called for improvement but it has fallen on deaf ears. When agencies knew they would receive the brooms, they automatically collected their revenue, hitting 90% for 2007." (quoting the MB)

Doesn’t that show that this award has actually done something good? Anyway, ain’t no one getting a broom next year. Complaints? The end of  a brilliant plan.

You see, sending out warning letters, low star rankings or whatever doesn’t work with these civil servants. Who cares as long as you are secure in your job? I bet the two agencies on the receiving end probably thought the MB was joking when he announced that he would be implementing this idea. They didn’t protest or anything. But after kena, malu la… so malu they want to resign already.

Dr Khir said there was no reason for Tukiman to take the matter personally. He added that it was aimed at the department failing to meet the minimum standard set by the state government.

“I do not understand why the state government is being blamed now. We had earlier asked department with under-performing staff to send these employees for training, so that the department could function up to mark, but they claimed that all their staff members worked well,” he said.

Dr Khir said the state government had a training centre in Sabak Bernam and had issued a list of employees who should attend training – but they were never sent because their department heads felt there was no need to do so. 

And then today, I read about my favorite PM stepping in to give his two cents. Ah classic. He breaks his elegant silence for broom issues.
Got better ways to motivate your staff lah, Khir.

This is exactly the kind of mentality that keeps us from being a first-world country. Vision 2020 my foot la. What I can’t stand is how everyone rants about this being against our culture and all that jazz. Firstly, the MB didn’t spring this plan without informing the agencies. They were all well aware of his idea. Unless, of course, if they were napping during the said meeting. Or thinking about what to eat for lunch.

Second, his demand was simple: collect your assessments above the 50% mark and you’re free. The man is just asking them to do their jobs, which seems like a ludicrous idea when you think about how civil servants operate in Malaysia. I think awarding someone a broom at an excellence awards ceremony is the worst kind of punishment a public officer can receive, short of being fired, that is. But even that does not subject you to public humiliation in most instances.

Anyway, if I threaten to do something like that, and you still manage to ignore it, how on earth does anyone think more dignified ways would work? Sending warning letters? I think we should do away with stupid awards trumpeting civil officers for their lackadaisical attitude in carrying out their duties. And don’t get me started on how these people function at work.

Come on lah, wake up and smell the kopi-o. The public service is lousy. Government agencies need to buck up. Their salaries come from ratepayers and they act like they’re the boss of everyone.

Stop talking and talking cause really, talk is cheap. I salute this Selangor MB for being bold enough to do this and even though the plan has been shot dead in its tracks I know he won’t stop trying to make a change. Well done, MB. Now, if only the others were like you.

Maybe I should quit law school and become a rock star. Life in the FAST LANE. Damn that would be good.

I like being able to watch my favorite TV shows without having to worry about work.

I like Megan. Buddies forever.

I like hanging out with Ren. She brings out the crazy in me.

I like getting drunk with Kim and Pearly. It’s never boring.

I like playing the guitar. And the drums.

I like jamming.

I like my friends.

I like my family. Nope, I love them.

I like coffee. And the smell of it.

I like football. And Man United.

I like making people laugh.

Just survived the onslaught of assignment/presentations/research paper last Monday. Strangely enough I haven’t felt this lighthearted in a while. What has become of me? Been trying to catch up on sleep since Tuesday but the danger of sleeping is that you dream. Weird dreams. Weird dreams come when I haven’t had enough sleep.

Ah, there’s another assignment due on the 13th and I haven’t started on that yet. And then there’s the exams. And *poof* another semester would have ended. Where is the time going? BUT CHRISTMASSSSSSSSS IS COMING!! Wheeeeee…! How I wish we could go caroling. But I’m really not in the mood to go beg Fr. Mitch to let us do it again this year. Well, maybe I’ll change my mind. More so if I think about all the alcohol involved in the post-caroling parties last year. Mmmm.

A lot of old memories have been re-hashed in the past few weeks. Stuff people have been telling me, reminded me of the crap that I’ve been trying to push to the back of my head (and have managed to do so successfully, I might add) all this while. But now they have been dug up and thrown in front of me. And I’m feeling pretty emo.

It’s strange. One minute I’m feeling happy. Not happy bouncing-off-the-walls kinda happy but satisfied, or rather at ease that I don’t have a gazillion stuff to do. And the next I’m dwelling on something someone has related to me and feeling down. Make up your mind, Olivia. Happy or sad now?

I always thought I was over with useless friendships. All this while I thought I had finally found that one friend who understood me so well. And vice versa. I always thought nothing could come between us. And that God had given you to me.

But is this how it ends? I never even thought it would end. Sure it hasn’t been a great past few months. But as usual I always thought that problems could be smoothed out easily. OK honestly I never foresaw problems. But they came anyways. And I would suppose that they were just minor hiccups. Turns out they were more than that.

I never changed. It was you. Nobody had to come between us and ruin our friendship. We did it all by ourselves. And it hurts because I was never that way with anyone else for the longest time.

You didn’t even have the courage to be honest with me. You just cut me out like that? After all we’ve been through? I didn’t see that one coming. The pain that I’m feeling now is indescribable. And now I see you for the selfish person that you are. Don’t ever ever hide behind the excuse of our "differences". That’s just a whole load of bullshit to me because all this while we understood each other so well, like clockwork. You know that as well as I do. Don’t attribute it to the different way we think. I think that’s extremely patronizing of you.

It comes as a rude shock to me to find out why I haven’t heard from you in a long time. But then again, I think I could do without you anyway. All this while I used to think of how devastated I’d be if I lost our friendship because it was so rare and almost perfect. Maybe that’s why it was ALMOST perfect. But I am fine. I don’t need you as a friend anymore. I don’t need to desperately struggle to understand the new you. You’re not worth it. And i feel awfully idiotic for thinking that you were worth all that.

Never thought I would go down this road again but here I am. It was nice knowing you. But I rue the day I met you. Goodbye.

Just the usual lazy Sunday. After mass today I saw this old lady on a wheelchair at the taxi stand. Her maid had to give her a lift from the wheelchair into the cab. Something about that image reminded me about Mummy and Daddy - the hospital days. Was feeling a lil crappy after that. And at the same time Kansas’ ‘Dust In the Wind’ was playing on my iPod and the line "Don’t hang on nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky". I think I’m still holding on to some baggage. Crap.

Went to Changi airport to send Sheetal off to UK. I’m gonna miss that girl. She’ll only be gone for 9 months but I’m sure if you ask some pregnant women they’d say 9 months is a damn long time. Maybe it’s because she’s one of the first few real friends I’ve had since I came to Singapore. And because she’s one of the two people here I can really connect with. School has already been super boring without her loud cackles being heard in the hallway.

Guess today made me realise how I have some real good friends here in Singapore. Megan said feeling sad means I have a friend. Which is true. I know she’s really helped me out these past few months when I was down in the dumps. She’s also been very supportive of my gig-ventures here. And I thank God for giving me some very great peeps here.

Sometimes it’s good to stop and take stock of what we have. Often we get stuck in our daily troubles and worries and forget what we have in hand. So yea, I’m doing stock-taking now.

This semester is gonna be tough. I hope I can pull this off. The stress is already getting to me. Can’t believe it’s already been 4 weeks. I don’t think I’ve ever started studying this early into the semester before. O well this place has been bringing out the hidden geek in me, one new side every day. Two more weeks to home. And the good ol’ birthday is skipping round the corner. Fantastic.